You never realize how hard it will be until you have to watch it.

And I am watching it.

Let me explain.

My name is Bonnie, and two years ago I started an internship in the WWE as a public relations specalist. Within one year, I was invited to become a full-time employee. In the middle of my first year, I had an encounter with one of the WWE's hottest superstars, Triple H.

I can't explain what happened, but we hit it off. On the way back from a public apperance we talked about life, our dreams for the future, and what we want out of ourselves.

We where both driven, both emotionally charged, both wanting to be the best at what we do.

One thing led to another and we ended up spending that night in a hotel room together. What we shared that night was something I had never shared with anyone in my life. I had been in love before, but this was totally something different. I mean, I have felt what I perceived was love, but this was something totally beyond that.

From that moment, I never been with someone I have felt so much with.

I learned about the man behind the game. To me he was more then Triple H, he was my friend, my soul mate, a guy I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

It took awhile for people to accept our relationship. With me growing in power, and growing in responsibility, there was a fear of people seeing our relationship as un-professional.

The intern and the superstar, you think it would not look somewhat suspicious.

But in the long run, some secrets cannot be kept.

One day I was escorting the Undertaker to a promotions event, and as he was driving, he stated the question.

"You know, its obvious the two of you are in love, so you might as well just stop hiding it and admit it," he said.

I looked at him from the back seat.

"Is it that obvious?" I replied.

"I think everyone sees is and already just accepts it, girl. He fits you, and for that matter you fit him," he replied.
"I have never seen him this happy in a long time, it is good to see from him."

Undertaker's statement of approval in terms of our relationship made it easier for us to show our affection for each other in public.

Two months later, I was called into Shane McMahon's office, and Shane offered me the position of new media public relations coordinator.

The first person I called when I walked out of Shane's office was him. He was almost happier then I was. He took me to dinner and we returned to my apartment and made the most beautiful passionate love. It is truly a night I will never forget.

Probably the most memorable thing that happened in our relationship was the day we where in Seattle for the press conference to announce Wrestlemania. I was excited, Shane had given me the task of preparing all the on-line feeds and promotion for it. It went perfectly. Hunter had the day off afterward and Shane gave me the day off being that this was my wrestling home town (being we don't get anything in Portland.). We decided to go take a ferry ride to Vashon Island.

Now, Vashon Island is the beautiful island in the Puget Sound and can only be reached by ferry. Hunter and I just stood on the deck enjoying the cold wind. I was leaning against the rail of the ship when Hunter made a confession.

"You know, I have never felt anything like I have felt for you," he said. "You make me whole in a way that I can't even understand. I know you are not ready, and I don't know when I will be ready, but whatever amount of time it will take we will truly be one."

At this point I was in tears, no one had ever said that to me before. I have had relationships, but I have never had a relationship like this. I turned and looked at him.

"I have never been able to explain the way I feel around you," I said. "You make me happier then I have ever been, and I could not imagine having a life with anyone else."

He pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was a necklace with the Japanese symbol for love.

"This is for everything we have, and for everything we will ever have." At that moment I knew that I had to have been the luckiest girl on earth. How could I of managed to get a relationship so special on so many levels.

But it seemed, with the commitments I had on my time in my new position, the time we had to spend with each other was limited. I was traveling a lot more making sure the web site was being used to its potential. I was also doing a lot more traveling with the superstars.

And in all that, I made a choice that I would learn to regret for the rest of my life. It's the decision that brought me to this day.

One day I was set to travel to one of my favorite towns, Kelowna BC. Kelowna is one of those towns you dream of settling down in. Its right off of the Lake and has a very special feel. It was a cross promotional event, where a superstar would be their signing autographs, we would be having a lot of WWE and WWE.com prizes for the fans to win, and there would be a few laptops set up so people could check out the web site.

The superstar?

One of the most popular superstars who ever came from Canada, Edge.

Edge and I took a flight out at four that morning. I have always had some attraction to Edge and that morning he showed up in nylon jogging pants and a tank top. His long hair was pulled back and he was wearing sunglasses.

"You look nice," he said.

I looked at myself; all I was wearing was jeans, a white work shirt and my black boots.

"Thanks" I smiled.

We flew into Kelowna and a limo picked us up and took us over to the hotel. After check in, I ran over to the mall where the visit was going to take place to make sure everything was in order.

The event took place that afternoon, and went really well. The bad thing about an event like this, is we want to make sure that we get all the fans we can to get through we can. We had four hours, and we could of used about ten. We got there at three, and Edge did a quick Q and A session before signing autographs and taking pictures with fans. There were a good three thousand people there, and after the first hour, people started getting bitchy. Some autograph hounds brought five or six things to be signed. You can't blame them, I sent some of the mall security up the line telling people, that we are sorry, but only one autograph per person so we can get as many people through as we can.

He did great, he was always making a little extra time for the kids who came in line, and more then one time I had to make arrangements with parents to send me copies of the photos so he could sign them for the kid.

But all some parents could do was complain about the line, and mall security being rude.

We ended up leaving the mall at 9 p.m.

We were both stressed and frustrated. The event went well, but you could not help but be unhappy with some of the people, who even though Edge took time to meet them, they had to complain anyway.

We went to the sports bar and had dinner, a few fans came over, and said Hi to Edge, they where very respectful and very polite.

Now the one thing about Kelowna, is there is not much to do at night. There is one club, and one casino. Both having the next day off, we decided that we could manage to go to the club.

And that's where things started to go south. And if I would of known what I know now, then, I might have gone. And I think I speak for both of us.

I had a great time dancing, I danced with some of the local guys, and he danced with some of the local girls. But in between dances both of us managed to get royally drunk, which I have not done in a long time.

We went back to the hotel room in a cab, to avoid having to deal with all the patrols the Kelowna police had out that night for drinking and driving.

He invited me up to his room, and for some god awful reason I accepted.

I got up there and he took off his shirt and sprawled over on to the bed.

"You know, I have always had some what of a crush on you," I said.

He rolled over and opened the mini-bar that was situated by his bed, he handed me the small bottle of wine.

We drank the wine, and for some reason I let him take off my shirt and I responded by starting to kiss his bare chest. Something in the back of my head told me this was totally wrong, but the alcohol spoke more.

And I proceeded to let him unzip my slacks and I took off his jeans. I proceeded to caress his member.

Do you need me to give you the details?

Lets just say it was sex, it was good sex but it was nothing like what I did with Triple H. I can't explain it, but there is a certain magic, I don't know if it is love or something more. Edge, or Adam as he is known to most of us, on the other hand, was like my big brother, and the next morning the regret of what I had done ate at me. I woke before he did and I just slid down to the floor and sat there. I let something so stupid and so childish happen.

But what I never realized was how much impact that one night would have. In one night I managed to throw so much a way at one time.

Edge looked down at me from the bed.

"Are you ok?" He asked

"I can not possibly fathom why we did this,"

I said. He slid down next to me on the bed.

"There is no way to change what we did," he said obviously as confused as I was at the time.

I looked over at him and stood up.

"We have a flight in two hours," I said trying to focus on something else.
br> "Are you going to tell him?" Edge asked, obviously wondering if I was going to tell Hunter about this.

I turned, that"s whats been pressing on my mind.

"I don't know," I said."So much has changed in just one night."

Before he could ask me any more, I told him that I wanted to get ready. I walked out and went to my room next door.

I was in realitive shock as I packed, I was asking myself why did I do this, why did I take something that was a great friendship and do something that was obviously going to affect it in so many ways. And then there was Hunter, him and I had something so special,

I was staring at my cell phone, when it started to ring.

I looked down at my phone. I saw the number on the caller ID, it was the one phone number I probably did not want calling me right now.

It was Hunter.

Something in me told me to just pick up the phone and tell him right then and there. But then something unexplainable happened, I just started crying. I donâ ™t know exactly how it started, but the gravity of what happened got to me.

I did not notice at the time I left my hotel room door open, so anyone could take witness to my crying fit. I also did not notice Edge was standing in my door way with his bags packed.

"You know, there is no way we can change the past," he said."We just need to go on."

"Why did I have to take everything I have, including our friendship, my relationship with Hunter, things that mean everything to me and throw it out the window for one night of pleasure." "As for us," he said. "I think our bonds of friendship are strong enough to put things behind us. You know I will always be there when you need me."

His words where enough. The one thing I was sure of is that Adam and I could still have our friendship, but anything else was so uncertain. Especially how I was going to deal with Hunter.

We hailed a taxi and headed for the Kelowna airport for the connecting flight out of Vancouver.

Knowing I needed some time to think, Edge was wonderful to leave me be for some quiet time to think.

But even that did not help.

Hunter and I had something special, everyone noticed it. There was that certain unexplainable electricity that happened any time the two of us where in the same room. And we trusted each other to no end, and that, as it seems everything else in our relationship was special.

Four hours our plane arrived in Boise Idaho, the site of the next live event. Either luckily or unluckily depending on how you look at it, it was a Smackdown tapping and with Hunter being on Raw, he either had a show in another town (which was not the case this week.) or he had the day off and headed home. Though now, at this point I know what I should of done, at the time I was still confused as to should I tell him, knowing that it was going to break his heart or do I hold it in, knowing how much it is going to do to me on the inside.

We went to our hotel in Boise, this time checking and staying in separate rooms, I stayed in my room for all of about ten minuets before I headed to the event. I had some diva events that needed to be planned, and getting to work was probably the best thing I could do.

I walked into the arena and headed for the production office so I could put together some paperwork.

As I took the final turn into the production office, I noticed something on the other end of the hall way, even with his back turned the dull roar in my stomach told me that he had decided to spend his day off at Smackdown. There was no way I ever wanted to face him this soon after the fact.

I took my place is the mass of production desks. Trying to keep to myself when my boss walks over to my desk. Apparently my eyes where still red and puffy, because the first thing he did when seeing me was walk over and ask me what is wrong.

"Nothing," I said firmly.

He knew me better then that.

"Lets go," he said leading me out the door. We walked around the arena until we had made it to an abandoned loading dock in the arena.

"I know you a little bit better then you think," Shane said. "There is something wrong, What happened?"

Shane was right, in our few months of working together we had developed a strong friendship. And there was not much that I could keep from someone who treated me like his little sister.

"Was it Hunter?" he asked.

I started to cry, I looked back up at him.

"Its what I did to Hunter."

"What happened?" he asked.

I told him what had happened without telling him exactly when or who I had done it with. I did not want Shane to blow up at Adam for what had happened. Especially because he had felt just as bad as I did.

Shane had it figured out though.

"You don't need to be protecting Adam," he said.

I looked at him with obvious shock on my face.

"How did you know?"I asked.

"I figure it had to have been with one of the boys because of the fact that you would not directly mention his name, and the rest, well I took from knowing your history, you've gone as far as admitting to the fact that you have a crush on him," he said.

I nodded.

"And by the disturbed look on your face you have not told someone" Shane replied.

I shook my head.

"I really don't know how to tell him, our relationship is or was something special. Everyone saw it, it's something beyond even my own explanation. And what I did is totally unspeakable." Shane took a breath and then gave me a hug.

"Head back to the hotel," he said."Take the evening and get your thoughts in order," he said. "You do need to tell him but only you can figure out the best way to do it."

As he says this, my stomach lurches for no reason (or what I think is no reason). It was that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when life is about to change in an instant.

"Tell me what," a voice said behind me.

It was Hunter.

Shane looked at me with thoughtful worry

"Its OK Shane," I said firmly.

Though my voice sounded confident, I was shaking to the core of my heart and soul. There is no way I could tell him what I did, and there is no way I could tell him what happened or for that matter, that somewhere deep inside of me I liked it.

"He said only you could be the one to figure out the best way to say it" Hunter asked.

" Say what?"

"I need to tell you something," I said trying to figure out if I really wanted to do this.

He looked down at his feet.

"I think I need to tell you something to," he said in a dull tone, at that second, my heart which was already at the bottom of my chest managed to fall a tad lower.

I did not wait for him to say anymore. I took a breath and fought everything that was telling me not to tell him.

"I made a huge mistake on the trip to Kelowna," I said. "Let things slip out of hand and I blew a promise I made to you."

He looked at me.

"What are you talking about?" he said.

I started to cry. My mind was screaming at me not to say anymore. But my heart told me that I had to honest, that I owed him that much.

"The last PR trip I made up to Kelowna with Adam, I don't know what happened, but we got drunk and I did something so truly wrong, I let my childish feelings get out and I did something that was an should of never happened. I always knew I had feelings for Adam but I never had any intention for them to be anything more then childish crush feelings" I said.

He did not need to hear anymore, there was no way to prevent him from doing what I had feared him doing.

He looked at me.

"You mean you?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, my voice quivering.

He raised his voice at me.

"How could you do this?" he screamed. "How could you take everything we have, just for a night of sex?"

"I can't make any excuses," I said, the tears starting to stream down and interfere with the way I was speaking. "I wish you would understand, if I could change it I would in a heart beat."

"We promised ourselves to each other," he said. "We both said no matter what happened in the long run, we would always be one."

At this point, the point I could not feel any worse about the situation he was crying.

"How can I trust you?" he said. "How easy would it be for you to do this all over again? What happens the next time you get drunk with one of the boys?" I can't answer that," I cried. "There are no easy answers. And I don't know what Ican say to make it any better."

At this point, I had either said the wrong thing, or I had said enough because he looked at me.

"There is nothing you can say," he said. "You made your choice when you did what you did."

And with that he left me sitting there alone.

I sat there crying for a good twenty minuets. Until, of all people, Undertaker found me.

"Adam told me and I saw Hunter walking away," he said."Are you going to be OK?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"You know it's a shame that you don' fight his stubbornness," he said.

"Its not stubbornness, he said it himself, that he cannot trust me," I replied.

He snapped his head at me the same way he does to an opponent, when he can't believe what they just said.

"Paul is a very stubborn man," he said, refereeing to Hunter by his real name. "So are you, but you two have a very special bond and a great love for each other. It is something that I had not seen in when it comes to relationships in this business. This is worth more then your pride. Talk to him, remind him how special your love is."

Taker was right. He usually was. He took the fatherly role with me when I was on the road. He always made sure that I stayed out of trouble and I have always known I could come to him for advice. This time was no different.

"I don't know what I am going to do," I said "So much has changed so quickly, I just need to think about what I did next."

"Don't tell him I told you this," he replied "I will tell you he said that he had decided that today was the day he had planned on asking you for your hand in marriage."

The crying that had temporarily stopped started all over again. That was the last thing that I needed to hear.

"Get out of here," he said. "I will talk to Shane and let him know what happened, being here is probably is not the best thing for you. Go to the hotel and try to relax."

I took him up on the agreement and went back to the hotel.

Having that much time to think was probably not the best thing I could do. All I could do was think about how hard it was to break the news to him, and how stupid it was for me to be thinking that he would understand.

But for some reason I could not get Takers words out of my head. Taker told me that Paul was being stubborn and that I truly needed to fight for what was right in my heart, and every thing in my heart told me that what him and I had was so special.

But then again there was the promise, the promise that we would always be one and always be there for each other.

I did not know what to do, I had no idea one night could change things so much.

And lead me to what possably could end up being the worst day of my life. The wedding of Stephanie McMahon and him.

Now your probably asking yourself the same question.

How exactly did things come together to bring us to this point?

I am still asking myself the same exact question as I sit here waiting for the wedding that I pretty much helped make reality to start.

Taker was right about part of the problem. He was stubborn. But I never realized how much listening to your mind made everything in your heart seemed so wrong.

I am not sure how to explain this if you have not been there.

I only saw myself as a cheating slut who could not be trusted in terms of love. I did not want to talk to Hunter because I blammed myself for what choices I made.

People tried to help, they tried to make both of us see things that we did not want to see. But I do not think anyone involved had the fantiest idea of what they had faced.

I was of one night, trying to enjoy a night at home when my phone rang.

It was Adam.

"Hey," I said.

"I wanted to tell you, that I had a discussion with Hunter last night after the show." He said. And before you ask, yes, your name did get brought up into conversation."

My closest friends knew that I did not want them to get involved. So to say I was a little miffed at Adam would have been an understatement.

"And you knew I would not be happy about that." I replied.

"You need to understand something, " he said firmly. â œI have seen how much this whole situation has hurt you, and you have been like a little sister to me. There was something magical about when the two of you are together"

Adam knew me almost better then I know myself. And he stuck his neck out on the line for me, that in itself was something extremely special." Adam," I confessed. â œI know I am too old to be believing in magic, but there was something so special and so magical between him and I. There is no way for me to explain it. But how can I change what happened between you and I. He had every right to be hurt and to be mad when I told him."

"And why won't you talk to him?"

I knew he had asked the magical question so one day roughly three months after we had our fall out I decided that we needed to talk.

I needed to be at Raw one night because of some planning of events that needed to get scheduled with the superstars, the last events we had been at together I had managed to disappear into the background. In a ways, this whole thing turned me extremely shy when I was around him.

There was a production meeting scheduled with all the Raw talent and staff. I came to the meeting a tad early, I was busy talking with RVD when he walked in. He glanced over in my direction, but was careful not to make eye contract with me.

Before I could move over there to say what I wanted to say, one Stephanie McMahon walked into the room, taking his arm and kissing him in a way that made me sick to my stomach.

Stephanie and I took issue with each other quite frequently even before things with Hunter happened. I cannot exactly explain it, but we both had very dominant personalities backstage and they clashed on more then one occasion. In addition, it seemed to me that she was always looking for a place to stick her nose in when it came to Hunter and me. She had never hidden the fact that she wanted to be with Hunter and thought our relationship was based on my childish crush.

There was no chance for me to grab Hunter and say what was on my mind at this point. So I took a seat between RVD and Chris Jericho.

Before the meeting started, Stephanie stepped in front of the room, and by the look on her face, I knew in my gut that there was something major was about to happen.

"Just while everyone is here,"she said. "I wanted to let you know that last night Hunter asked for my hand in marriage and I accepted."

At that second, it seemed that time had stood still. I thought I had all the time in the world to sort what was going on in my head, and try to figure out how I could recover from the mistake that I had made.

OK So I never thought something like that would of happened.

I felt Robs hand grab my arm to provide me some comfort but it did not help and I had every urge to start balling. I snuck out of the room quietly and headed back to the hotel.

I do not know how I managed to get back to the hotel, but I did. And I spent the entire night crying. The phone in my room rang several times, but I did not answer. I knew it was people calling to cheer me up, but I did not want to hear it. I was crying because of my own stupidity and because that stupidity had cost me something that had been the world to me.

I don't know how I managed the next three months. Stephanie wanted to have this wedding before Valentines Day, when the schedule picks up before Wrestlemania. All I could do was do my job, I kept my feelings so bottled up inside they where eating away at me. I kept a happy face on in front of the happy couple, but I could not help wanting to cry at the sight of those two The only person I ever talked to was Taker, as he was the one I knew I could go to. I did not even talk to Adam, I was hurting in ways that I did not even want to put him through. I did not want him to have to shoulder the blame to the decision I made. It was the hardest point in my life. And I had never felt so alone or felt so out of control.

And that's what led us to this day. The worst day of my life.

I don't even know why I came to the wedding. I think a lot was just to see him happy. I thought maybe it would put me at ease knowing he was happy and he found someone. I sat in the back corner pue, trying to stay inconspicuace as possible. No one thought I was going to be there. But everyone stayed their distance. There was an undercurrent of respect when it came to the situation.

I saw Taker and Sara walk in. Sara saw me sitting by myself in the corner and directed her husband in my direction.

They sat down next to me.

"You look nice," Sara said. When I woke up this morning, I just looked for the first dress I could find, it was my flower print dress that I interviewed for my internship in.

Taker reached over and grabbed my hand.

"Are you going to be OK,?" he asked.

"I don't know if I am going to be OK or not, but maybe I need some finality." I said.

I started to look out the window but got interrupted.

"We need to talk," a voice came over my shoulder. My head spun around, it was Adam.

"There is nothing I can say at this point," I replied. "Whats done is done."

"No its not," he said. "Lets go outside."

I followed him to the other side of the building

"I have been thinking about all that has happened since we did what we did." He said. "There are some things I just have to know."

I looked at him with some surprise.

"You said you had feelings for me," he said. "Is that true?" "I will be blunt," I said. "I did act on something that I never really thought I would of acted on. I never wanted to risk letting those feelings getting out and runing things. The answer to your question, is yes maybe I do have feelings for you." He rubbed his chin. It was obvious he was planning what to say for awhile.

"As much as I wish it would not of," he started "What we did has affected our relationship . You and I used to be able to talk about anything and now you barley even talk to me. Why?"

I looked at him.

"I did not want you to get caught up in what was going on in my head," I answered "I was trying to figure out what was going on with my feelings, where they where and what I needed for myself. And yes, I needed to figure out if I had more feelings for you then I did for Hunter."

He looked down at the ground and looked back at me.

"And do you?"

"I can't deny the fact I have feelings for you, but to compare them with my feelings that I have or had for Hunter is unfair. I felt a magic with Hunter that I never felt before, it is amazingly special, but I doubt I can ever feel that again."

He looked into my eyes.

"The only way you will ever get back to being your old self, my little sister is to stop bottleing up your emotions." He said. "But I have to be honest with you and honest with myself."

I looked at him. "What are you trying to say?" I asked. "I am saying that I can't stay in the shadows and put my self through the emotional stress hoping that you will take care of business. I have to walk away with the good things. I am saying I can't be there for you anymore."

Before I could ask why he walked away leaving me by myself.

I walked back into the chapel and took my seat in the chapel. Taker had been around me enough where he could read my feelings like an open book. But before he could ask me what was going on the organ piped up and the music started signaling that the wedding was starting. The gentlemen came out first. He came out and he was followed by his best man, who of course was his best friend, Shawn Micheals, and his ushers, his brother, and a guy who had been like a best friend to me before this happened, Kevin Nash.

The site of him coming out first pushed me into tears. My thoughts rotated around everything that had happened in the past and what could have been. I was lucky, I kept most of my sobbing silent.

After the men came out, the brides party came out. I did not know most of Stephanies wedding party. Each of the ladies came out and took their place at the front of the chapel.

The chapel was decorated beautifully. The front of the chapel and the aisle where decorated in pink rose petals. The stairs had the individual rose bud stems sitting on each of the three stairs. Each of the brides party carried a large bouquet of pink roses.

And then the bride came out. She wore a rather long white gown draped in ivory lace. I have to admit, she made a beautiful bride.

The ceremony went by really quickly, and to tell you the truth I was not interested in paying much attention until the minister asked if anyone objects to this couples marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.

I felt more then a few eyes dart in my direction. This was the moment, and as for me it was now or never.

But there was no way I would ruin this day. What we had was worth too much, and when you have shared things like we have. It may just be a respect thing, respect for all the memories that we have shared.

I finally started getting control over my crying towards the end of the wedding. I think at that point, the finality sunk in.

And then the minister said those words that started the flood gates.

"You may kiss the bride."

And they kissed. It seemed like the kiss took forever. And it took every bone in my body to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs.

I went over to the reception, which was over at the McMahon estate, just down the road. I really did not want to be there. I felt for some reason I should just be there. It almost felt like I was tormenting myself.

I got out of the cab and headed towards the reception area. I saw a nice area under a tree that looked to be the most perfect spot to sit and not be noticed. But it turns out I was not alone under there. It seems Brock Lesner and I had the same idea.

"You are probably already had it with people telling you that you are the last person anyone expected to show up here," he replied, offering me a chance to take a seat under the tree.

"You are on the money about that," I said as I took my sweater off and seat it on the ground.
,br> One of the waiters walked by with a tray full of champagne glasses. He grabbed two of them, giving me one.

"You needed to see it for yourself," he said. "You needed to see him happy to put your mind at ease."

Brock had answered the question that everyone wanted to ask me.

"I wish I could explain it better," I replied. "But I don't think I can. So much has changed with both him and I since everything happened."

Brock started staring off at the creek that was running to the side of the grounds

"I can't say much I can say," he replied. â œBut I can agree, both of you have changed since the split."

Before I could respond, I heard someone clear there throat from behind.

It was him.

"Excuse me," Hunter said.

Brock looked at me. His eyes asked the question his mouth did not need to, did I really want to be left alone with him.

I nodded.

"I will be fine," I whispered, taking a sip of my champagne glass.

I did not both to get up from my seated position. But I turned my head to look at him. He looked fabulous. His eyes bared down on me, making me a little nervous trying what I thought was to ask me why I had showed up at the happiest day of his life.

"You should know why I am here," I said, before he got the question out. "I had to see for myself that you where truly happy."

"Why?" he asked. "Can't you handle seeing me happy or did you have to go and try to stomp on me on the biggest day of my life."

I got up and looked at him.

"You don't get it," I replied firmly. "The reason I came here was that you and I had was something that I would never be able to describe. No matter what happens there is something inside me that will always want to see you happy."

He looked at me for a second and before he could respond to me, I turned and took a couple steps away from him.

I knew he was about to ask me a very simple question.

"And those feelings now?" he asked.

I looked up, not knowing if I should answer or not.

I did not give myself a second to think. I was not going to give myself a chance to second guess what I was about to do.

"I have been asking myself what to do or what to say if you ever asked me that," I said.

"And whats the answer?"

I thought for another moment what truly to say. But he interrupted me one more time.
,br> "Would the answer change if I told you I know about the necklace."

I knew exactly what he was saying. Some how he knew about the last ditch effort to hold onto some of my feelings for him, that I had always kept the necklace he gave me on the boat in Seattle and worn it every day, even after we split up.

But how in the blue hell did he know I was still wearing it. There was no one out there I had even thought about telling.

At that point I had no choice. I had to speak, I had to let it all out.

"My true feeling?" I asked out loud. "You made me feel something that I can never begin to explain or will never be able to feel again. Do I still have those feelings? The truth is that I never really lost them. Can I change what happened between Adam and I, No. And it has cost me more then you will ever know. Now that leaves me with one thing, do I still love you? Yes, but I think after today that is meaningless. And as far as the necklace, I have no earthly idea how you even knew about that. No one knew, no one was ever supposed to know about that."

"I guess that leaves me with something to explain," he said.

But before he could go any further one of the wedding party planners came over.

"Its time for the toast," she said. "We need you."

He looked at me.

"This is not over," he said. "There is still more to be said."

I started to cry yet again. And trust me when I say this, at this very point in time I was sick of crying.

"There is nothing to be gained from saying anymore," I said.

"We need you now," the planned shouted.

Before he could say anymore I walked away. I had done in my heart everything I could do. I got on my cell phone and called the cab company to come pick me up again. I walked over to the front steps of the mansion to wait, and found Jay Resno sitting at the stairs, apparently waiting for the same thing I was.
,br> "Are you going back to your apartment?" he said, asking if I was heading to the apartment that I had rented in town.

"Yes, I thing at this point in time I have more then earned a little bit of peace and quiet." I said in a tone that made it perfectly clear that I did not want to anyone asking me what just happened.

"You know, Adam had a very good reason for doing what he did," Jay said out of the blue.

I spun around on my heels. At first I was shocked to hear this coming from him, but then again Jay and Adam have always been like brothers if anyone knew what was going on through Adam's mind it would be Jay.

My shock must have been evident because Jay immediately stood up and looked me right in the eye.

"Think about it this way, You would not confess your feelings for Hunter because you felt conflicted with the feelings you had with Adam. If Adam was not in the picture."

I finished the statement.

"There was nothing holding me back from confessing to Hunter about what I really felt."
,br> Jay smiled.

"Adam figured that this would be the only way you would do what needed to be done was to get your feelings for him, out of the picture. Your feelings for him where conflicting you and getting in the way of doing what even you yourself need to admit you needed to do."

I smiled in disbelief.

"Adam sacrificed our friendship so I would do the right thing." I replied.

Jay bowed his head.

The cab pulled up to take me out of there. I hugged Jay. I had no clue if I was going to do anything about our conversation. I realize what Adam had done and to me it was something totally beyond explanation.

But as I got into the cab another thought ran into my mind, something that made so much sense but seemed so unbelievable. But after everything that had happened, what I was thinking did not seem so impossible.

I rolled down the window and smiled at Jay.

"You don't have to answer this question if you can't, I understand," I said. "He knew there would have been no way I would of told Hunter what I felt because of two things, one being he knew I may of felt something more for him but was not sure. And the second thing being, he never gave me a straight answer when I asked him if his feeling for me have changed. After all this, I am left with one question, are those feelings more then even I knew?"

He smiled.

"You're asking a question you know I would not give you the answer to, so why did you ask?" he said.

It only took ten minuets for the cab to make its way to my apartment.

In that ten minuets everything that had happened between Adam and I seemed to have made total sense.

Adam did have feelings beyond friendship for me, but he also knew that things would never be right for me unless I told Hunter how I felt. He had put me, and how I was feeling above anything else. I had to get to what was in my heart. He knew that if I thought I had believed that things between Adam and I where not an issue anymore, I would fell like I had nothing to loose if I set things right.

I did not know if I wanted to kiss him or kill him.

I got to the apartment and decided that I needed some time to think.

I drew myself a long hot bath and just soaked. The day had been so emotionally taxing that I could just not bother to even think about it anymore.

I stepped into the bathtub but I had heard my phone rang. I did not bother rushing to it. I heard my voice mail pick it up.

"We never finished talking,"

It was Hunter.

I did not know what way to tell him, in some way I really wanted to talk to him and just tell him and manly let him talk to me and tell him how much I really screwed this whole thing with our relationship up.

I did not get out of the bathtub. I went into this day expecting that I could put some of the things I was thinking and feeling to rest. And I laid their in the bathtub with the only thing changed being the fact that Paul was married.

After my bath I went straight to bed, I never realized how tired I was and fell asleep within five minuets.

I woke up the next morning at ten am. Realizing I was supposed to be in the office at 10:30, I rolled over and grabbed the phone, calling Shane, leaving him a voice mail saying that unless there was a problem I would be working from home. I needed some quiet time, and at this point working from home made the most sense.

Things where actually quite productive for the morning, and then at about 1:00 there was a knock at my door. I slid off the bar stool that was sitting in front of the dinning bar that was my kitchen table, not bothering to turn off my laptop.

I opened my door and it was one of the people who was sitting next to me when I first heard the news of the two getting married, it was Rob Van Damn.

I opened my door all away and showed him in.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Shane needed me to drop off some stuff, and we where both kind of worried about you after not seeing you leave last night."

I smiled. Rob had always been more like a brother then a friend. And Shane would of defiantly been worried about me, because in the time that he had been my boss he had gotten to know me pretty well and visa versa.

I offered him something to drink and walked out with him to my patio.

"You have a nice view," he said.

I realized this was the first time he had been to the apartment. He never knew that my apartment overlooked the back of a golf club.

"It has its ups and downs," I said handing him a bottle of water and sitting on my patio chair. "It's the right size for me, but we have had to replace the back window here twice because of stray golf balls, and I have about a dozen golf balls that have landed on my deck."

Rob looked at me and smiled.

"I saw you and Paul talking at the reception, Are you OK with everything?" Rob asked.

I took a swig of water and looked at him.

"I really don't know," I said looking back towards the course. "So much has changed and it has changed so fast. Did you hear what the two of us spoke about?"

He shook his head.

"I was sitting under the tree trying to sip on some champagne," I said. "I was talking to Brock and then he came over, he pretty much confronted me about my feelings towards him. And I admitted that I will always love him, and the only reason I came to the wedding was to give me a chance to see him happy, which is what I wanted all along."

"And what about Adam?," he said

I eyed him.

"How much do you know about what Adam did?" I asked, I was trying to see how much he knew.

"Enough to know that I do know more then you," he said in a tone that warned me that I was not going to get someone to confirm what I already thought.

"Adam did what he did for a reason, I think at this point I know why he did it, but as to what it going to happen with that situation," I paused. "I really don't know."

Rob looked at me sympathetically.

Before he could continue there was a knock at my door.

I left Rob on my porch. And went and answered the door.

It was Adam.

I took a deep breath and walked away from the door and back to the porch. I could tell he was following me.

I looked at Rob and eyed Adam. Rob knew it was time for him to make his gracious exit

"Call me if you need anything," he said. "I am glad we could talk."

I nodded."I might take you up on that," I said not taking my eyes off Adam. I sank back into my deck chair. "I think we need to talk." I said.

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