(Song is “If Youre Gone”by Matchbox Twenty)

Jeff Hardy stood with his back to the empty room, gazing out the window at the falling snow. Very little had accumulated, but the forecast was predicting more. The weather had become rather unpredictable as of late. Usually this time of year it would have been snowing for weeks on end, snow piling up until it was all you could see.

But for the last couple weeks, it was more fall-like, with warmer temperatures and never ending rain.

Despite the cold, he was only clad in a pair of old, faded jeans and pair of socks. He hadn't taken much effort with his appearance lately. He usually just took a quick shower threw on some clothes and headed downstairs to get thru another lonely day. His hair was back to it's natural blonde color, the blue having faded away. He rarely shaved in the past two weeks and was starting to look a bit scruffy. He wasn't sleeping well either. Every time he closed his eyes she was there....

Here it was Christmas eve already. He lifted the glass to his lips and took another drink. So many things weren't as they should be this year. He had gone ahead and decorated the house for Christmas, even though he didn't have much to celebrate about. At the time had thought that if he went thru the motions, that everything was normal, maybe he would wake up and find that things were as they should be....she would still be here. All it did was just make him more miserable.

He sighed loudly. It was too quiet in the house. He walked over to the far wall of the living room and switched on the stereo. He flipped thru the stations, trying to find one that didn't have Christmas music playing. Finally, he found a soft rock station and left it there. He was heading for the kitchen when the song started to play. He froze and then dropped down onto the overstuffed couch as the words to it sank in.

*******************************************

I think I've already lost you,
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
But I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed
I can't be sure.

********************************************

He buried his head in his hands, trying to block out the music so the memories didn't torment him, but it was no use. His mind drifted back to last week when he had come home and was surprised at what he found....

Vince had given everyone several weeks off over the holidays and he had been anxious to get home so they could spend time together. Once the Smackdown taping was finished, he grabbed his stuff, threw everything haphazardly into the trunk of the car and was on his way. He waved to his brother and his friends as he sped past on his way out of the parking lot.

Five hours later, he pulled into the driveway. He glanced at the house and noticed that all the lights were out, except for one in the living room. Frowning, he glanced at his watch. It was two am. In his eagerness to get home, he hadn't paid any attention to what time it was. 'She must be in bed' he thought. He grabbed most of his bags and quietly let himself in. Closing the door behind him, he expected to be greeted by their yellow Lab, Meghan. But she wasn't at the door waiting for him.

Setting down his luggage, he shrugged off his coat and decided to leave everything where it was until daylight when he was more awake. He walked over to the end table by the couch. Reaching to turn off the light, he a came across a note with his name on it. He picked it up and scanned thru it, stopping when he saw the word "goodbye". His breath caught for a moment. Blinking several times to focus his eyes on the paper, he reread the message.

It was brief and to the point, only saying she needed some space.....some time alone to "re-evaluate" their relationship. 'How much more alone can she be with me on the road most of the time.' He thought to himself. He took off running thru the house, turning on all the lights and calling out her name....he searched every room, finding most of her belongings still there.

Despite the late hour, he grabbed the phone and started dialing, desperately trying to find her. He tried calling her on her cell phone, but it just kept ringing and ringing, with no answer. He tried her parents, their friends...no one would tell him where she was. Just that she was "fine....thinking things thru....confused...'

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I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
this in my life
I think I'm just scared
I think too much
I know this is wrong.
it's a problem I'm dealing If you're gone
maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room.
But I can hardly move If you're gone
baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

***************************************

Jeff snapped back to the present. He wasn't due to go back on the road until after the new year. Which meant more time to spend being miserable. His brother, Matt, had dropped in for a short visit to check on him. He kept trying to reassure Jeff that she would be back once she realized what she was throwing away, But as hard as he tried, he just couldn't convince himself to believe him.

They had been arguing for weeks about his taking risks in his matches. The biggest argument had come after the Survivor Series pay-per-view, when he had done the Swanton off the top of the cage. Though the storylines turned it into problems and the subsequent break up of team Xtreme, in reality it was the beginning of the end of Jeff's relationship with his real life girlfriend.

He had noticed that she wasn't too happy with him lately. She wanted him to slow things down in the ring, not to do some of the more high-risks moves, like jumping off ladders or falling ten feet thru tables. She kept saying all she wanted was him to be more careful and be in piece when he came home. She wanted a future with him, maybe a family someday. She didn't want to be waiting for a phone call, some WWF rep saying he had fallen wrong and broke his neck, or back, leaving him crippled or even worse.....dead.

*******************************

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind
I think you're so mean - I think we should try I
think I could need -
this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much I
can't relate and that's
a problem
I'm feeling
*******************************

Jeff rubbed a hand over his bare chest, trying to releive some of the aching he felt in his heart. He felt so empty without her. With tired, bloodshot eyes, he looked around the room. The tree was over in the corner. The tiny lights shining brightly enough to light up the large living area. There were only a couple of presents underneath it. He had found time to do some shopping while he was out on the road. He figured it would be easier to buy presents and get them wrapped and hidden until Christmas if she wasn't with him to see what he was up to.

Christmas was always his favorite time of year. Hers too. He loved the sounds and sights and smells of the season. Like a little kid, he was always the last one to go to bed and the first one up Christmas morning, anxious to see what was under the tree for him. But now, all he felt was cold and emptiness.

His gaze continued around the room. On the table beside him was a picture of the two of them and Meghan. It had been taken over the summer when they had taken a vacation back to North Carolina to visit his dad and Matt and other assorted family members that still lived in the area. He picked up the photo.

She looked so happy and content to be in his arms. He, of course, was grinning like a fool, thinking that everything was as it should be in his life....his fingers slowly traced the image of her face. 'Why?' he asked himself for the millionth time....

Unable to look at the picture any more he set it back down and closed his eyes wearily. Tears tracked slowly down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them away.

*******************************

if you're gone - maybe it's time to come home there's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move if you're gone - baby you need to come home there's a little bit of something me in everything in you I think you're so mean, i think we should try i think i could need this in my life i think i'm just scared, do i talk too much? I know it's wrong it's a problem im dealing I think I could need this in my life I think I'm just scared that I know too much I can't relate and a problem I'm feeling

******************************

Finally, the song ended and he pushed himself up from the couch and headed to the kitchen again. His stomach growled so he wandered over to the refrigerator to find something to eat. Not that there was much to choose from. He hadn't around to making a trip to the grocery store. Pulling out the makings for a sandwich, he kicked the door shut with his foot and laid everything on the counter.

His attention on the food in front of him, he vaguely registered what he thought was the sound of bells. 'Now you're starting to hear things, Jeffie my boy.' he scolded himself. He just shook his head and picked up his sandwich. He opened the fridge again for a bottle of water then started back to the living room again.

The bells sounded again, this time much closer. He stepped over to the french doors that opened onto the patio. Jeff pulled aside the heavy drapes and peered out into the night. The snow was falling a little heavier, and it was hard to make out the shapes of things. One of them moved. He set down his food and drink. Scowling, he opened the doors and a cold wind blew into the room, making him shiver.

This time the ringing noise was much louder and he tried to discover what was causing it. He looked over the back yard but still couldn't see anything. Suddenly, a large figure came bounding out of the snow drifts.

Meghan!! He dropped to his knees just inside the doorway and held out his arms to the dog. She happily covered his face with sloppy dog kisses and he laughed, not bothering to try to make her stay down. He was soon covered in snow, mud and dog hair, but he didn't even notice. The noise that he had heard was made by the jingle bells on her collar. He had found one for her last Christmas and let her wear it for a couple of weeks before putting it away for the next year's Christmas. Her "mother" must have gotten it out for her.

His girlfriend.....

Jeff felt his heart skip a few beats when he saw her walking towards the house. He stood up and walked out on to the patio. He thought he was seeing things. That maybe he was just missing her so much and he was hallucinating that she was there. But she kept walking closer.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him of before he could even begin.

"Look, Jeff, I know you probably hate me, but please, ...let me explain," she began.

He just stared at her, arms folded over his chest, as he listened to her. He wanted to grab her, hold her and never let her leave him again. But he couldn't make his feet move. He didn't even notice the fact that he was standing in snow with no shirt or shoes to keep him warm.

"I couldn't take it anymore, honey. Watching as you jumped off ladders or cages or whatever....holding my breath to see if you were really okay. The agonizing minutes I'd wait until you got backstage and called to tell me you were fine."

She began crying, her words running together. "I just hated it ....and then ...we'd fight when you came home....when you left. Over the phone when you'd have to call and say you couldn't make it home for whatever reason..."

He interrupted her speech. "So..." he cleared his throat, trying to make sense of why she was there. "so....why did you come back then if you can't handle what I do?? if you were so miserable....??I mean...I...I can't change who I am or what I do. I love what I do.....wrestling is my life and I won't quit that for you." His voice trailed off.

"Because as much as it hurt to watch you...it hurt a thousand times more to live without you." she answered simply. "I can't eat or sleep...when I do sleep , you are always there in my dreams.....I keep hearing your voice wherever I gobut when I looked to find you, you weren't there....I've only been gone for two weeks and it feels like an eternity. Jeff, please.... "she begged. "Can we start over..?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to digest what she was saying. He knew she was still speaking, but all his mind kept repeating over and over again was that she was miserable as he was. How lost he had been without her. Now that she was standing before him again, he could feel his soul reaching out to her again. He pressed his hands over his ears, blocking out her words. Trying to decide what he should do.

Meghan pawed his right leg. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. She whimpered. He could have sworn she was trying to tell him to give it another chance. His eyes narrowed and he looked over at her. She stopped talking when she saw the intense gaze of his emerald eyes.

He made his decision.

Jeff took a deep breath and walked over to her. Cupping her face, he leaned in and kissed her. The moment their lips met, it was like the world shifted back to normal. His heart started beating rapidly and he felt like he was flying. Like he was where he belonged.

He slowly broke the kiss and waited until she opened her eyes. Like he did with the photo he traced the familiar angles of her face. Feeling the softness of her skin as he searched the depth of her soul thru her eyes. He must have found what he was looking for, because he started grinning and moved in to claim her lips again. This time with more passion. He put his arms around her to pull her closer.

Meghan's barking soon penetrated the sexual fog that surrounded them. They laughed and looked down at her. Meghan just sat there in the snow bank, her tail wagging.

Jeff laughed and turned back to the woman in his arms. Both of them were covered in a light dusting of snow and he noticed that he wasn't wearing any shoes.....or a shirt for that matter. The cold was finally starting to register in his brain.

"Does this mean...?" she began to ask.

Jeff didn't bother to answer her. He merely leaned down and picked her up in his arms, carrying her into the house....into their home. She wound her arms around his neck and laid her head on his broad shoulder.

He hesitated a moment inside the doorway to let the dog inside and then shut the doors behind them. He shook the snow off his head, causing the drops of water to fall on his love, laughing when she shrieked. He sneaked a quick kiss and headed for the stairs leading up to the bedroom.

Meghan padded across the carpeting to the Christmas tree. With a heavy, contented sigh, she flopped down in front of it and closed her eyes, more than ready for a good night's rest.

A screech came from upstairs. "Jeff, your feet are freezing....!!!!" Followed closely by male laughter and then, soft moans. Meghan didn't even bother to raise her head. All was finally right again with her world.

The End

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