They were on their way to their annual Christmas party. Vanessa, Linda and a few friends put these together every year. Inviting all their friends before people parted to spend the holidays with family. They were going over last minute details in the car when Linda mentioned it. Of course she at least tried to be causal. "Mark and his wife are coming tonight." She announced.
Vanessa felt the rock hit her stomach and was immediately irritated. Why did the mention of his name still do that to her. She knew her sister was trying to read her face. So she kept it blank. "Oh yeah?" She asked off-handedly. "Make sure the caterer knows exactly how many people there are. Did you remember to give Jacob and Serena directions?"
Part II
They had been friends for years. She still remembered the day she met him. Suzie and her were in the parking lot of the school. Where the ‘bad' kids hung out. She saw him walk out of the building with another of her friends. He was impossible to miss. He was incredibly tall and had red hair that he wore down the middle of his back. Her heart leaped into her throat when his eyes met hers, and his lips curved into a smile.
Fortunately she'd been wearing shades and he couldn't see her eyes widen in surprise when he walked over to her. Guys didn't react like that to her.
"Hey lil bit." He drawled. She crossed her legs at the ankles and smiled slightly, but said nothing. Vanessa turned to her friend, "Hey Jacob." She smiled, "What's up?"
Jacob only smiled; he knew she was annoyed at the nickname she'd just acquired. "Not a lot, mija." He answered; stepping forward he kissed her cheek, putting his arm around her. "Want you to meet someone." He continued. "This is Mark, he just transferred in." Nessa only nodded and mumbled, "Hey."
They all stood and talking until the lunch bell rang.
As she parted from Jacob and Mark, she turned to look at Mark once more; only to catch him staring at her. She tried to stop the blush that rushed to her cheek and turned abruptly to Jacob. "I'll see you later." She said quickly, and kissed him on the cheek.
Nessa felt the eyes following her down the hall as she went to class.
"Are you two going out?" Mark asked, cutting right to the chase. Jacob only smiled at first. He like Mark from the moment he'd walked into class. He had outsmarted old Mrs. Fletcher. The woman was a hag. He'd seen the spark when he'd laid eyes on Vanessa.
However Nessa was close to his heart. He was going to make sure Mark knew that.
"She's my baby sister man. I've known her since before kindergarten." Jacob stated.
"So she's available?" Mark continued. "Available for what?" Jacob asked. "Come on man," Mark huffed. "You know what I mean." "If you mean is she seeing someone, no." Jacob began. "But if you're EVEN thinking of playing around with her – I'll kill you." Jacob said, with all the bravado of a teenager brother protecting his younger sister.
"I just met her." Mark began. "Can I get to know her before you decide to kill me?"
Jacob nodded and said, "Just remember what I said." He stated, as he turned to walk down the hall to his class.
From that day on Mark, Nessa, and Jacob were inseparable. Through all the puberty crap of high school, to Jacob getting kicked out of his house. Nessa's mother dying and her father leaving for parts unknown. Not even considering the alternative, they all went to prom together. Over time Nessa grew fond of Mark and considered him as a brother as she did Jacob. They were often at her apartment, and at one time or another over the years one or both of them lived with her.
A few years after graduation Jacob met Serena and they became a sort of foursome. Unbeknownst to Nessa, people assumed Mark and she were together. Mark never made any assumption that they were exclusive. Mark never even tried to do more than talk. They had the most involved discussions, which usually started out as nothing and would last for hours and on occasions all night. Mark confided in her of his desire to be a wrestler. Vanessa told him her plans of becoming a writer.
Nessa knew things changed when a group of friends went out to the local pool hall and she found herself seated next to Jennifer, one of Jacob's cousins.
Part III
"So…" she began. "Is Mark a good kisser?" Nessa looked at her stupidly for a moment. "Huh?" she finally asked. "Is Mark a good kisser?" Jennifer asked again saying each word slowly. "How the hell should I know?" Nessa asked. "You guys have been together for years. You should know by now." Jennifer explained.
"Mark and I have been friends for years." Nessa explained.
"You're joking right?" Jennifer asked in shock. "You and Mark aren't together?"
Shaking her head, Vanessa made a face. "Of course not!" she exclaimed. "What do you mean, ‘of course not'?" Jennifer asked. "Mark is drop dead gorgeous, you guys travel all over for Mark's shows, stay in hotels together. Alone." Jennifer emphasized.
"Well the world must be coming to an end. A guy and a girl are only friends." Nessa laughed.
"So you're telling me you've never slept with Mark?" Jennifer asked. "Never even kissed him." Nessa explained. Jennifer sat quietly for a moment, then picked up Nessa's wrist and looked at her watch.
"What are you doing?" Nessa asked. "If you've never moved on Mark in ALL the years you two have know each other . . .I'm making sure you're not dead." Nessa groaned as she pulled her wrist away, "What-ever!"
"So . . .you wouldn't mind if I . . ." Jennifer began wiggling her eyebrows.
Nessa shrugged, "Knock yourself out." Jennifer smiled and popped out of her chair to walk over to Mark. After a few minutes she pulled him out to the dance floor.
As they approached the floor the music changed, to a slow song. Someone lowered the lights and couples moved closer as they danced.
As the song progressed, Nessa began to felt a knot in her stomach, like someone had punched her.
"What's wrong mija?" Jacob asked as he sat down beside her. "Huh?" "What's wrong?" he asked again. Still watching the dance floor, "Why is something wrong?" she countered as she drained the Jack and Coke in front of her. "You have a funny look on your face." Jacob explained. Nessa finally pulled her eyes from the dance floor.
"Oh." Jacob replied, after looking in the direction she had been staring at so intently. "What ‘oh'?" Nessa snapped, involuntarily. Jacob rolled his tongue in his mouth, "Green looks good on you." He mentioned with amusement. "What the hell does that mean?" Nessa asked glaring at him.
Jacob only smiled and then saw the look in her eyes. Nessa only watched as Mark took Jennifer in his arms and they danced slowly. She watched as Jennifer laid her head on Mark's chest.
"Jacob, would you take me home?" Nessa asked quietly.
Part IV
The ride to Vanessa's apartment was quiet, neither saying a word. Jacob came upstairs with her deciding to stay with her; that being common practice between then.
"So you're not going to say anything?" Jacob finally asked, sitting on the couch. "About what?' she asked, walking in to the kitchen for water. "Don't do this Nessa." Jacob admonished. "Did you expect him to wait forever?" he asked.
"What is this about? Spell it out - ‘cause obviously I've missed something." Nessa asked, slamming the bottle down.
Jacob studied her face closely to realize she was completely serious. "You really don't know, do you?" he finally asked. Jacob sighed, "I've known you a lot of years mija. I never took you for stupid." "What the hell does that mean?" she demanded. "If you don't know Mark has been for years now, and still IS in love with you . . .you're stupid."
If Jacob had reached out and slapped her it would have been less of a shock than what he'd just revealed.
"You're lying." She stammered. Jacob looked at her with his infamous ‘come on now' stares.
"Why did we leave early?" Jacob asked. Nessa shrugged, "Felt like it." she muttered. "Bullshit." He countered. "You saw another woman in Mark's arms and you couldn't handle it."
"Why would it bother me?" she asked. "Mark and I aren't together! He can hang on any girl he wants." "Is that why you're a particular shade of green right now." Jacob asked.
"I'm NOT jealous!" she yelled. "Then what are you?" Jacob asked. "Confused." She admitted.
Nessa paced the room in front of him. Finally stopping, she lifted her gaze from the floor and looked at him. "I didn't know. I swear to you . . .I didn't know." She whispered.
"Nessa. Mark loves you. What are you going to do?" Jacob asked. Nessa shook her head.
"What were you thinking when you saw Jennifer and Mark dancing?" Jacob asked.
"I had a knot in my stomach, but it wasn't unfamiliar." "What do you mean?" Jacob asked. "When you and Serena started to date." She stated simply. "You were jealous of Serena?" Jacob asked. "Why?" he paused. "And if you tell me you're in love with me, I swear I'll hit you." "Please!" she groaned. "Credit me with some taste." She smirked.
Nessa paused to think for a moment. "Do you know what you mean to me?" she finally asked. Jacob looked at her curiously, "What do you mean?"
"You . . .are a part of me." She began. "I've know you 99% of my life. A lot of who I am is because of you. Over time I always assumed you would be there. I relied on it. When momma died I would have gone insane without you and Mark." She remembered quietly. Jacob came across the room to hug her. "I'll always be there, mija." He whispered.
"But you can't." she whispered back. "When you started dating Serena. That became painfully clear." "You don't like Serena?" He asked shocked. Nessa shook her head, "It's not that. Serena is someone I would have hand picked for you. You two are perfect with and for each other." Nessa paused not sure if she was about to explain this correctly.
"She took you away from me." She smiled. "I was used to being the center of your attention. Used to having you all to myself. Used to being the only woman in your life. When Serena and you started dating, you couldn't be that for me anymore."
Nessa paced the length of the room again. "I think that's when Mark and I got closer. It honestly hasn't been strange to me traveling around with him. He's so focused and wrestling is something he really wants."
"Nessa. How do you feel about Mark?" Jacob asked slowly. Nessa, who'd been staring at the floor, looked up at Jacob. "It doesn't matter anymore." She answered.
"YES, it does!" Jacob objected. "Mark is in love with you. The way he looks at you. The things he says or does for you." Jacob couldn't grasp why she didn't understand. "Mark hasn't dated anyone in the years we've all been together." Jacob continued. "Why do you think that is?"
Nessa shrugged, "I don't know." She answered. "Girls flirt with him all the time." "You know . . ." Jacob began. "I want to take back that statement about you not being stupid."
"Excuse me?!" she asked. "Nessa, you'd have to be completely dense NOT to realize how Mark feels about you." Jacob snapped getting truly frustrated with her.
Nessa took a deep breath to remain calm. "Of course I should. You know . . .me having SO much experience with guys. I should know these things." She snapped sarcastically.
"Let ME ask you something. Why hasn't Mark ever said anything? Why hasn't he ever even tried to kiss me? We share a room practically every night; he's never said a word. He's never made a move. We talk at all hours of the night about every subject under the sun? WHY HASN'T HE SAID ANYTHING?!" she yelled.
"Mark has too much respect for ‘our' years to be so crude." Jacob tried to explain. "He also knows about your lack of experience. Did you that that's a coincidence? Do you think it's an accident guys never asked you out? Or that they so rarely talked to you? They were scared of Mark!" Jacob countered.
"Jacob. He's never even tried to hold my hand. NOTHING." She explained. "Which is all beside the point now anyway." She mentioned off-handedly.
"Why?" he asked. "Because of Jennifer?" "I told her Mark was available. I can't interfere with that now." Nessa explained.
"Mark loves YOU. Jennifer is on the rebound from her latest boy toy." Jacob countered.
"Jacob! She's your cousin." Nessa exclaimed. "And you're like my baby sister." Jacob shouted back. "And Mark is like my brother. And I want you both to be happy." Nessa shook her head; "I saw the look in Mark's eyes when he was dancing . . ."
They both turned as they door came open and Mark entered, "Hey!"
Nessa immediately fell silent. "Hey Lil Bit." Mark called out, leaning down to kiss her head and call her by his favorite nickname for her. "What happened to you two?" Mark asked. "Why did you two leave so early?"
Jacob looked over at Nessa and allowed her to answer. "Just felt like it." She muttered. Mark walked over to the couch and proceeded to take off his boots and prepare to go to sleep.
"Hey! I was here first. That's mine." Jacob objected. Walking over to the couch he put Mark in a headlock. "Don't see your name on it." Mark said glibly, fighting back. "Children . . .please." Nessa interceded, as the phone rang.
"Hello?" Nessa asked. "Hey hon." And felt like she'd been kicked. "Yeah he's here. Hold on." Nessa walked over to the couch, "It's Jennifer." She announced.
"Thanks." Jacob replied. Nessa shook her head, "It's for Mark, ya dork." She replied. Mark laughed as he took the phone.
"You guys fight over the couch. The loser knows where the blankets are." She called over her shoulder as she retreated into her bedroom.
She sat down on the bed rolling the conversations with Jacob over in her head. She looked up when the door opened and she grinned. "Guess you lost." She stated to Jacob.
"What are you going to do?" he asked and grew frustrated when she shrugged. "What do you want to happen?" He asked. "What I want is irrelevant at this point." She began. "Did you see the look on his face when I said it was Jennifer? Even if what you say is true…." She stopped when she saw Jacob's face. "Okay . . .okay . . .it's true. But he seems to have gotten past it." She finished.
"He'd drop Jennifer in a sec if he knew . . ." "Knew what?!" she exclaimed trying to keep her voice down. "I don't know how I feel about Mark. It's not right . . .to mess up something he might have with Jennifer for ‘I don't know what' with me."
"So you'll gladly step aside so Mark can be the latest of Jennifer's toys. Only for her to dump him when she goes back to that idiot boyfriend she breaks up with every other week?" Jacob challenged.
"I don't know how I feel about Mark. What happens if we try and then it doesn't work? One, Jennifer and I wouldn't be friends anymore. Two, Mark and I might not work out and I'd lose yet another part of me that I don't think I can live without!" she stated emphatically. "You're with Serena. You canNOT be what you were to me. If I lost Mark . . .or it became where we weren't even friends." She shook her head. She put her hand on her chest, tears stinging her eyes at the mere thought. Not even wanting to contemplate the thought too deeply.
"Or maybe. Just MAYBE, you and Mark could fall in love and be forever." Jacob countered. Nessa shook her head, "I can't take that chance. Not until I know what I feel." She insisted.