A few months later, Nessa was sitting on her couch when the door came open and Mark walked in. "Hey Red." She called out. "Hey bit." He answered. "Some of my stuff still here?" "Yeah, check the closet. I just washed." Mark walked into the hall and opened the closet where he knew she kept both his and Jacob's clothes that invariable got left behind each time they stayed over.
When he walked back into the living room he was in the process of changing. "Going out tonight slick?" she asked casually.
"Jennifer and I are going out." Mark announced standing in the center of the room. Nessa only nodded non-committal. "She and I have been going out since the party." he continued. Nessa tore her eyes away from her book to look at him. Nessa saw the look in his eyes, something she couldn't identify. "Something wrong?" he asked quietly. She furrowed her brows as she shrugged her shoulders, "Nothing." She murmured.
"Don't try that ‘bit." Mark admonished. "What's the deal?" "Nothing. I guess I'm just a little surprised." She murmured. "That she'd go out with me?" Mark asked. Nessa heard the heat in his voice and tried to remain calm.
"No." she replied, shaking her head. "I'm just . . .Jennifer isn't known for her lengthy relationships."
"Jennifer is your friend." Mark reminded her meaningfully. "And she's Jacob's cousin." His voice having gone stern.
Nessa laughed without humor. "Who do you think told me about her history. Jennifer is my friend but it doesn't mean I don't know she has faults." Nessa countered.
"Well maybe, just maybe she hasn't met someone she wanted to be around this long." Mark snapped. "Maybe she sees me as more than a friend. Some women do you know!" Mark snapped.
Nessa's temper getting the better of her; she rose slowly from the couch, tossing the book to the floor.
"Don't yell at me!" "Why not? You seem to think I'm so repulsive to women no one would date me." Mark growled. "NO! I don't!" she yelled back. "I'm saying I'm surprised you and Jennifer are dating. Nothing more. You never struck me as frivolous. And as much as I love Jennifer that's what she is when it comes to guys."
"Then you don't know her!" Mark yelled. "WHY are you yelling at me?" Nessa asked quietly. Mark sighed dragging a hand through his hair. "What's the real reason you don't like me and Jennifer dating?" He asked.
"I don't care if you date Jennifer. You can date whoever you want." She answered. "So you just don't like Jennifer?" Mark continued.
"I think you deserve more than what Jennifer is capable of." Nessa replied, measuring her words. "I've seen her do it to too many guys. I don't want that to happen to you."
"Why?" Mark asked, his voice almost a whisper.
Nessa looked at him, her expression between confusion and shock. "What do you mean ‘why'?" she asked. "Mark you're one of the most important people in my life. You're like my brother. I don't want to see you played then dumped like I've seen Jennifer do before. "Is that all it is?" Mark asked.
"Isn't that enough?" she asked. "I've never needed a reason to be worried about you before. Why now?" She asked. "Now is different." Mark continued. "Why? What is now?" she asked.
Mark shifted from foot to foot. "I need to know . . ." he began. "Know what?" she asked softly.
Nessa blinked realizing this was the conversation she wasn't sure she wanted to have. Her nerves were stretched to the breaking point. She needed to know. Vanessa knew she could trust Jacob. Knew that he'd been brutally honest when he chastised her for not seeing what was right in front of her. Vanessa had looked at Mark one night and actually seen him. Really seen him. The broad muscles from all his training, the long dark red hair, she'd always loved. His eyes, he had the most intense green eyes. Hell - she'd always known Mark was gorgeous; that wasn't new. However she saw now what Jacob and everyone else seemed to already know. Nessa realized that while she and Mark were together the looks, the arms up into the truck, the casual touches she'd always considered coincidences or good ol' southern manners were actually just reasons for Mark to touch her. She noticed his hand lingered second too long. Once or twice she'd caught him staring her.
But she didn't know if she loved Mark. She didn't know if she could be what he needed. She knew she loved having him her in her life, but he deserved someone who thought he was her life. She was almost certain she was that person. She didn't know if she could live without Mark and wasn't willing to risk finding out. But the decision had to be his. He had to say so. She had too much respect for his feeling. If Jennifer is who he wanted then Vanessa loved him enough to step aside. However if he was willing to give them a shot, to give what she and Mark might become a chance, she was willing to try. But he had to speak up. If not, things were never going to be the same. She held her breath for a moment, knowing the next few minutes were going to change her life forever.
Her temper finally taking over, "Spit out Mark!" she snapped. "Why is now different?"
"Apparently . . .it's not." He concluded. He picked up his clothes and walked back toward the hall. "What are you trying to ask me?" she asked. "You just picked a fight with me and now you want to walk away. What is up with you?" she asked. Mark dropped his stuff to the floor, "Nothing. If you have a problem with me dating Jennifer, get over it." Mark snapped. "Dammit you're so hard-headed!" she gritted. "What the hell does that mean?" he asked. "Did I stutter?" she snapped. "I don't want to see you hurt! But if you want to get played . . .fine. Do what ever you want." She announced, throwing her hands in the air. She sat back down on the couch and picked up her book. Vanessa's head was spinning. Mark had made up his mind. He'd chosen Jennifer. Or decided not to choose at all. Vanessa knew she was in love with him. Her heart ached in her chest to know that Jennifer was who he loved. ‘Say something.' Her mind screamed. ‘He's loved you forever. She'll only hurt him.' It continued. Vanessa shook her head and bit back the tears. ‘It's his choice; he's chosen her.' It struck her as odd, in that she'd never actually ‘had' Mark, but somehow she'd lost him. She knew that they'd never be the same.
Part VI
Vanessa allowed people to believe she was jealous of Mark and Jennifer. She saw less and less of Mark. He didn't return phone calls. His clothes started to disappear from her apartment. Even Jacob became distant. He and Serena started planning their wedding after Jacob proposed on New Years Eve. When she did see Mark, he was distant. Nessa felt like she was talking to a stranger and it broke her heart. And the tension did not go unnoticed.
Linda sat next to her at the rehearsal dinner. "Did you and Mark argue about something?" she asked. "No." Nessa answered. "He and Jennifer have been really busy." "Mark and Jennifer? They broke up weeks ago." Linda informed her. Nessa looked at Linda curiously, "When? What happened?"
"Jennifer went back to her jerk boyfriend. Didn't Mark tell you?" Linda asked. "I figured you guys were back together." Nessa sighed inwardly, "Mark and I weren't ever together. We don't talk much anymore." She explained quietly. "When did you find out?" "Last weekend, when we went to dinner." Linda explained. "Where were you? I thought you and Mark were arguing that's why you weren't there."
Nessa bit back the tears that threatened. "No. I didn't know anything about it."
During the course of the evening and through multiple people Nessa put together what she'd obviously been missing. Apparently the past weekend wasn't the first group outing she'd ‘missed'. Jennifer had gone back to her previous boyfriend. The ‘word' going around was that since Vanessa and Mark hadn't got ‘back together' that she was jealous of being dumped, that her friends and sister were being put in the middle. Vanessa got the sense that people were blaming her.
When they were all in the room, Nessa saw the tension between her and Mark and so did every one else.
Over the months the tension became unbearable. Nessa spent more and more time alone or at work. She spent one particular evening contemplating where everything had turned around. She knew she was putting her friends in a bad position. Nessa realized how alone she was and how much of her life had centered around Jacob and Mark. But now they were gone. Jacob and Serena still came by or called, but the conversations were strained and no one ever mentioned Mark.
Mark and she became polite strangers. They were able to be civil in public and amongst friends.
Vanessa finally removed herself from the situation entirely. She was tired of the tension, she was tired of being left out and it hurt her heart to know her friend were in the middle of a battle she'd no idea of how it started and showed no signs of ending.
Nessa allowed people to believe whatever they wanted. It was easier that way and no one believed her when she tried to explain anyway.
Now it was years later. Mark had married. However, the mention of his name still caused her to fall back to that tension. She never knew what to expect when she saw him. br>
Nessa knew she'd always love Mark but the decision had been made. On both sides, and neither was willing to bend. And now it was far far too late. It didn't matter anymore anyways, she rarely saw him. She'd moved across town and was enjoying her new career and a new group of friends. She missed the old crowd but there was still too much tension for everyone to be comfortable. That had been a high price to pay for peace.
Vanessa missed Mark just as much as she knew she would. For months she felt like part of her was missing. It was almost unbearable to know she couldn't just pick up the phone and call him. She missed that; she missed their conversations and his shoulder when she'd needed him. She lost part of herself when she'd lost Mark's friendship. That had been the one thing she'd been determined NOT to do; and had failed miserably.
Part VII
They'd been there for over an hour, the party was their usually success; plenty of people and lots of fun. Vanessa loved giving these parties. It gave her a chance to see all her old friends. And let them know she wasn't sitting around pining over Mark the way they loved to believe.
Nessa was outside when they arrived. She'd never seen Mark's wife. She'd been invited to the wedding, but she couldn't make herself attend.
She immediately felt eyes on her trying to read her face when she saw a black pick-up pull in and park. Vanessa turned and smiled at her friend Katrina who was standing next to her, as Katrina suddenly looked nervous and tense. Nessa turned and smiled brightly just as Mark reached the doorstep.
"Hello Vanessa." Mark began. "How've you been?" "Well and yourself?" Nessa answered. Mark only nodded a response. "I don't believe you know my wife." Mark introduced. As Nessa turned she saw the woman wrap her hand around Mark's arm possessively. Nessa bit back the laugh that wanted to bubble forth; she only smiled and nodded the introduction.
Nessa felt like she was under a microscope, and she felt more than heard the collective sigh as the pleasantries were concluded and Mark and his wife moved into the house.
Linda walked over to her quietly, "She's jealous of you." Nessa almost snapped her neck to turn and look at her sister. "She's what?"
"Serena told me she asks questions about you all the time. Mark used to talk about you all the time when they first started dating, but then he stopped." Linda began. "She knows how close you and Mark were." Vanessa sighed inwardly, "She has nothing to be jealous of. She and Mark are married. She's the one that makes him happy." "It could have been you." Linda replied, daring to push. Vanessa only shook her head; "She has nothing to be jealous of. She has him." "And what do you have?" Linda asked.
Nessa only shrugged, and smiled as she walked away. She began to hum with the song that started playing on the stereo.
You'll Never Know
Mindy McCready
I bought a new red dress to lift my spirits up
And just like you did, honey, it cost me way too much
Next time you see me, I'll bet you'll take a second look
You'll wonder why I look so good
You'll never know how much I miss you, you won't see it in my face
You'll never know I'll never find another that could take your place
'Cause I'll be smiling when I see you, my tears won't ever show
Yeah, I might always love you
But you'll never know
When I saw you out last night, you seemed so surprised
That I could walk right by and not blink an eye
To look at me, you probably think I'm doing fine
Good thing you can't read my mind
You'll never know how much I miss you, you won't see it in my face
You'll never know I'll never find another that could take your place
'Cause I'll be smiling when I see you, my tears won't ever show
Yeah, I might always love you
But you'll never know
You'll never know how much I miss you, you won't see it in my face
You'll never know I'll never find another that could take your place
'Cause I'll be smiling when I see you, my tears won't ever show
Yeah, I might always love you
But you'll never know
You'll never know
You'll never know
You'll never know