Vanessa stood at her office window, staring out at the rain, lost in thought. She ignored the phone when it rang, knowing Jessica would tell her if it were important.

After a minute her assistant walked in quietly. "He's on the phone again." she announced.

Vanessa closed her eyes, biting back the sigh. "Tell him I'm busy." She instructed. "Tried. After 2 weeks, that isn't working anymore." Jessica informed her.

"Fine." Vanessa snapped. She waited until Jessica retreated from her office before she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" "So you do really work there?" Mark began. "I was beginning to wonder. You're always ‘out of the office'. Or *busy*." He said pointedly.

"I am busy. What do you want?" she snapped.

"You." Mark answered plainly.

Before Nessa could snap back he continued headlong. "But I'll settle for dinner." He continued. "No." Vanessa replied curtly. "Nessa, you've been avoiding me for two weeks. You have to give in sooner or later."

"I told you already. I don't *have* to do anything. Stop calling me." she demanded. "And while you're at it stop with the flowers." She mentioned.

Since she came back from New York there had been flowers delivered everyday.

Lilies. Coral colored. Damn him for remembering.

He remembered that while she thought roses were beautiful, she also thought they were too cliché. Too easy to give.

After the first week Vanessa instructed Jessica to have them distributed throughout the office. She didn't want to look at them.

"Nessa." Mark began, bring her back to her senses. "I'm just asking you to dinner. Consider it just friends if you want." Nessa sighed heavily. ‘Dammit why wouldn't he just go away and leave me alone.'

"I'm gonna say this *one* last time. Stop. Okay, just stop. I don't want to have this conversation every . . ."

"Then just say yes to dinner." Mark suggested. Vanessa grit her teeth to stop the angry retort and slammed the phone down effectively ending the conversations.

Part II

Vanessa walked into her apartment late that evening.

After she'd hung up with Mark, she'd had a long meeting with her editor. The advance publicity was about to begin for her book. Her publisher wanted her to do a book tour when it came out and they spent the afternoon selecting cities.

Her dream was finally coming true. All the late night talks about what they would be when they ‘grew up . . .

"Dammit." She sighed. "How does he do that." She mumbled as the memory of Jacob, Mark and her sitting around her bed talking floated into her mind.

She remembered Mark had always talked about wrestling. Jacob was going to conquer the stock market and make millions. Vanessa had been the last to reveal her dreams; she kept it so close to her heart.

Mark had always encouraged her; he was the only one she'd let see her work. He'd been objective and constructive.

Vanessa snapped out of her daydream at the sound of the doorbell. Groaning as she looked at the clock, knowing it could only be one person. She stood there fuming, toying the idea of not answering the door. As she stood considering, she began to hear voices. Vanessa closed her eyes in frustration as she heard Mark talking to her neighbor.

Vanessa opened the door and had to bite back the smile as she saw Mark carrying groceries up the stairs for her elderly neighbor, chatting away.

"Oh there you are dear." Mrs. Cortez announced. "Your boyfriend was looking for you."

Vanessa shot Mark a dirty look as she replied gently. "He's not my boyfriend, Mrs. Cortez."

"We're still working on that part." Mark mentioned quietly, setting Mrs. Cortez's groceries down in the open doorway. He crossed the short distance to Vanessa's door and leaned down to kiss her. She quickly turned her head and it landed more on her hair. "What are you doing here?" she hissed.

"Came to see my girlfriend." Mark answered.

She narrowed her eyes and opened the door, "Get inside." she ordered. Her neighbor was forever trying to fix her up with one of her grandsons or any ‘nice young man' she happened to see.

"Well, if you insist." Mark answered, grinning.

"Good night Mrs. Cortez." Vanessa offered.

"He's a nice one dear. Don't let him get away." Her neighbor advised. "Good night, Mrs. Cortez." Nessa said again.

Vanessa did her best not to slam the door. "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"You stopped taking my phone calls." He answered. As he spoke Mark walked toward her. He put his hands on her waist to hold her still.

Vanessa tried pushing his hands away but Mark only tightened his grip. "Would you stop." She asked. "I used to find reasons to hold you." He mentioned. "Did you know that?" he asked.

"I've missed it over the years." He ran his hand up her bare arm. "You're still so soft." He mentioned huskily.

Vanessa's head began to spin from the combined sensation of his touch and voice. When she didn't resist, Mark slid his arms around her waist and held her against him.

"We've wasted so much time." Mark began. "Do you want to know how many times I've dreamed about this? Dreamt about holding you?" He began smoothing her hair and Vanessa unconsciously laid her head on his chest.

"Does this mean you've stopped being stubborn?" he asked. Vanessa jerked back from him, snapping back to reality.

"You're being arrogant." She mentioned, walking out of his reach.

"Mrs. Cortez thinks I'm nice." He countered. Vanessa laughed, "Mrs. Cortez is senile. I've had more blind dates to appease her than I care to remember or care to count."

Vanessa saw his eyes smolder at the word ‘date'.

"What? You thought I sat around twiddling my thumbs. It was okay for you to get married but I was supposed to be celibate." She snapped.

Vanessa watched as Mark clenched and unclench his fists; she couldn't stop the smug smile, knowing he was getting angry. "I guess in the back of my head . . . I had hoped." Mark began calmly. Nessa could tell by his voice he was controlling his temper. "But any man would have to be out of his mind . . . ." Mark stopped when he realized what he was about to say.

Nessa raised her eyebrow at him. "You didn't seem to have that problem."

"I meant so much to you." She spat. "You walked away. You never even looked back! What the hell was I supposed to think? Right then. That night . . .I knew how little I meant to you." She declared, struggling to hold on to her tears.

"That's not true!" Mark yelled. "No?" she challenged. "You stand there telling me you've thought about me everyday. That you love me." she snapped.

"Yes." He assured. "When you and Jennifer broke up, what stopped you from calling me? You missed me so damn much. You loved me SO much you turned around and got married!" she shouted.

Mark saw the anger in her eyes, mixed with the sadness.

"I didn't know what to say to you." Mark began. "That night I had a choice. I choose wrong." He admitted.

"Jennifer and I were a mistake. I . . .I just wasn't ready. I wasn't sure about you and me." He stammered. "I used to pretend she was you. And I knew she had a big mouth. I knew she would talk. I kind of wanted to make you jealous." He confessed.

Vanessa laughed and rolled her eyes, "That much you had right. Jennifer couldn't keep her mouth shut." She commented. "Insisted I know every detail. Or tried to anyway. After a while she and I stopped hanging out."

Mark shuffled his feet, looking slightly guilty. "She figured it out. She said she always knew I was in love with you. She told me she was still in love with her boyfriend. We used each other. She thought she was helping. Letting you know what you were missing."

"Arrogant much?" she commented. "I wasn't missing anything." She protested. "After that night, I was hurt because we, no excuse me YOU decided, we couldn't even be friends anymore. Yeah, it hurt." She admitted, her voice choked with tears. "I didn't understand how you could turn away from all that we had been.

You and Jacob were everything to me. When Jacob and Serena started dating, you were all I had and then you were gone." Vanessa had been standing in the center of the room, her arms crossed. She wiped the tears running down her cheek away viciously. Angry with herself for revealing her pains to him.

"Baby. I never meant for that to happen." Mark assured her quietly, walking toward her he reached out to hold her. Vanessa stepped away from him, pushing his hands away from her.

"I had to learn to live without both of you." She announced, shaking her head, shaking away the last of the pain. "I learned fast. Then I didn't look back." She raised her head meeting his eyes squarely.

"Not that it was a big problem. No one would discuss you in front of me. On the rare occasion you would grace us with your prescience. We were polite strangers." she snipped coolly. "And that was only for the sake of Jacob and Linda."

"They barely told me you were getting married. Imaging my surprise. Jacob was still touting about how you were in love with me and that I should call you." She informed him, rolling her eyes. "Jacob didn't know how wrong he was."

"My marriage was a mistake. I was missing you. But I couldn't . . .I didn't know how to work my way back to you." He informed her.

"Yeah. You tried so damn hard, you were married for five years." She answered.

"I couldn't have you! I was looking for a substitute." He shouted, walking toward her again. Vanessa taking another step back, not letting him touch her.

"No." she said firmly. "We could have been something. But we missed our chance. You can't capture the past."

"I don't want the past." Mark countered. "We messed up back then." "Speak for yourself." Vanessa interrupted. "I didn't tell you how I felt then. I'm not making that mistake again. I love you. I'm not letting you get away from me again." he announced.

"Oh. And I just have no say so in the matter?" she asked.

"You haven't said anything!" he reminded her. "You don't take my phone calls. You'll barely speak to me." he accused walking ward her again. "You keep turning this back to me. You want to blame me, that's FINE. I'll take it. I fucked up. But I want to deal with NOW." Mark roared.

"Do you love me?" Mark asked.

"This is pointless, okay." Vanessa countered. "Just go. It's late."

"No. We're going to finish this tonight. I need to know how you feel." Mark insisted.

"I don't want to do this, okay." Vanessa snapped. "Just leave." She insisted.

"You can't say it." Mark concluded. "You can't tell me you don't love me."

"Oh please." Vanessa snapped, rolling her eyes.

"Then say it!" Mark insisted catching her by surprise he took one step, catching her arms before she could move. He held her close to him, "Say you don't love me." he asked. "Let go of me." she insisted, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. "Just tell me you don't love me." Mark asked again. They stared at each other, Vanessa never uttering a word.

"Just tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away. My mistake." Mark offered. "Why can't you just tell me?" Mark whispered.

"Because I can't!" she shouted.

Part III

"Because I can't." she repeated, whispering. "Dammit." She mumbled, pushing her way out of his grasp, she walked across the room, turning her back to him.

"The night you and Jennifer got together. I knew I had lost you. I was so jealous I couldn't breath. Jacob said I was green." She remembered.

"He always was tactful." Mark smirked. "He's always known me." she corrected. "He knew what I didn't. He knows you as well. He told me what, up to that point, you hadn't. That you loved me." She whispered.

"It scared the hell out of me. I was clueless." She laughed. "It never even occurred to me. Jacob told me you'd kept the guys away from me, but you'd never said anything. So I thought he was just wrong." She shrugged.

"That last night you were at the house. When we argued." She whispered, remembering the night too clearly. She felt Mark walk up behind her. This time when she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, she didn't pull away instead leaning back against him. She sighed contentedly when his arms tightened around her, loving the way he held her.

"I was so close to asking you for a chance. I'd had weeks to think about what Jacob said. But I was willing to let you go if Jennifer was whom you wanted. I thought I was being noble, I was so stupid." She informed him. "That's how much I loved you."

"Loved?" he asked. "Love . . ." she whisperedly confessed. "I loved you then, enough to not say anything and let you go. I've thought about you too much over the years. Knowing I made a mistake. Knowing I should have fought for you." She admitted. "It hurt so much when you choose Jennifer."

"We both messed up that night." Mark countered. "I should have said what was on my mind. I've loved you from the moment I saw you. Dammed if I know why I never said anything."

Vanessa laughed softly. "Me either. We used to tell each other everything. Why couldn't we tell each other how we felt?" she asked softly.

Mark turned her around; he sat on her coffee table pulling her to stand between his long legs. He reached up, cupping her face in his hand.

"I love you." He began. Vanessa felt the tears sliding down her cheek, as she felt he conviction in those three words.

"I love you." She answered. "I can't pretend anymore. It was easy at first. Cause you weren't around and I pushed it out of my head." She explained. "There hasn't been a day that you didn't cross my mind. I've missed you so much." She leaned down and laid her forehead on the top of his head as Mark wrapped his large arms around her, pulling her to him. She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself to him.

"Then you showed up on my door step." She explained. "It hurt to just look at you." Mark trailed his hands down to rest on her hips. She lifted her head from his, setting her hands on his broad shoulders, biting back the smile. "You were as ugly as I remembered." She remarked casually. "Then I wondered if I was mistaken all these years." Yelping when Mark pinched her butt then pulled her down on his lap while she giggled. "Smartass." He growled into her neck, holding her tightly. Vanessa wound her arms around his neck again, laying her head on his shoulder. "I missed you holding me." she confessed softly.

"So all this has been what? Torture?" he asked. "Did you expect me to welcome you back with open arms?" She asked. "I've been pissed off for five years. I wasn't going to make this easy for you." She laughed. Nessa sighed heavily as she continued, "I wanted to hurt you. As much as you'd hurt me when you left. But I can't do that anymore. It's too hard. It hurts too much."

"Then," she began again, running her finger down the side of his face. "I realized I was being stupid again. That I love you. That it hurts more to be without you than to be mad at you." She explained softly. "Besides you might find someone else that reminds you of me and get married again. Couldn't take that chance." She informed him. "There is no substitute for you." Mark assured her. "Damn right." she confirmed, whispering.

"I've missed you Bit." Mark mumbled into her hair, tightening his arms around her. "Won't Jacob be smug?" she giggled.

Part 5

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